just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
