does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
