I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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