hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
