he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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