Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
