I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
