I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
