idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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