My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My feet surprised me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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