bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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