I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
