I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
