you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
