so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
