I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
