they need to just BURY HIM!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
