dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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