Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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