i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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