if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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