i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
