He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
