you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
