i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
