I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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