you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
