In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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