if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
