Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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