my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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