and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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