dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
