dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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