my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
