im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
