SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
