How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
