Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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