who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
