im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
