I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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