if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
