So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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