do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
