He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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