he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
