using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
