we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
