Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
