I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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