Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
