Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
try to milk me bitch
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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