i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
