It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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